How Do I Get My Retired Husband Out of the House Without Hurting His Feelings?

After retirement, your social life often sees the biggest changes. There are no more business lunches, after-work drinks, or socializing at conferences. Men are often hit the hardest by the loss of identity that they got from working, as well as the loss of work-related friendships and events. If you added a major move to your retirement plans, you can have a perfect storm that leaves your husband feeling lonely and adrift. It’s important to intervene so that temporary loneliness brought on by changing life circumstances doesn’t turn into depression. 

“Create individual space in your home for each partner and allow time to pursue personal interests.” verywell mind

There’s a ton of research showing that strong friendships are vital for people’s sense of well-being. One way to encourage your husband would be to suggest he call one of the long-time friends. If he resists or finds excuses, you can call the friend and ask him to call your husband. Maybe your husband and his friends used to have annual excursions to go hunting, watch the Super Bowl together, or relax at the beach. If you have the ability to keep up the tradition, there’s no reason to stop just because people are retired. Maybe there was a big trip they wanted to do when they all retired. Remind your husband of those plans. 

Help Your Husband Find Connections with Shared Interests

Of course, you want your husband to have more day-to-day interactions with friends and peers, too. Something as simple as a daily walk can help you to meet neighbors and get to know people, whether you’re living in a new area or not. 

Often men will simply depend on their wives for their social life. If that works for you, great! However, you might feel like you’d like to have some time to yourself. Or you might feel a bit guilty going out with your friends when you know your husband feels lonesome. 

If you have couples friends that you usually see together, suggest to your husband that he and the other man arrange to meet for lunch or for drinks. Maybe they have a shared interest, like golf, woodworking, or history. People who are part of a faith community may find joining small groups to be a good way to make friends. Many communities will have a coffee hour or potluck after services. Staying for these events can also help you make friends. 

If you have grandchildren nearby, suggest setting up a regular “Grandpa Day.” Your husband will enjoy the company of his grandchildren and plan outings together. The same goes for siblings or other family members in the area. Getting together regularly is a great way to feel connected and beat loneliness. 

Remind Your Husband of His Post-Retirement Dreams

Most people have big dreams and plans for retirement. They have things they haven’t been able to do, like writing a novel, or pursuing a hobby interest, or visiting places. Encourage your husband to start working on his retirement bucket list. Maybe he can check out classes at the local library, senior center, or community college. They often have selections that cater to people who are retired. This is a great way to meet other people with similar interests, and friendships can develop naturally as participants discuss topics of mutual interest. 

All of this is currently complicated by the COVID-19 lockdowns, but that won’t last forever. Depending on your area, there are usually at least some in-person events. Lots of places are holding events online. It’s harder to make connections over a computer screen. However, teachers and facilitators are getting better at helping people have high-quality discussions. Vaccine distribution is getting better, so we have hope that the crisis is coming to an end. Even if on-screen interaction isn’t the same as in-person, it can still help a lot to relieve loneliness. As we look forward to meeting in person as normal again, laying the groundwork of connections and friendships online will help the relationships blossom. 

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